Bacon is a delicious food that grows as a fungal parasite called “Baconweed” on trees across America and Southern Europe. Needing little preparation beyond salting and frying, Baconweed is harvested by workers affectionately called “Pork Bellies” as is tradition. Bacon is unique in that it must be cooked at a very precise temperature, about 377-383 Kelvin, a temperature range known as “The 6 Degrees of Kelvin Bacon”.
Unfortunately for this thriving organic vegan industry, the Smoked Hickory tree on which Baconweed grows is endangered. Botanists have suggested that the plant may be extinct as early as 2050 if measures are not taken. The Bacon industry is on the problem, saving seeds and cultivating new, more resilient strains and even coding the plants DNA sequence, as well as hunting for new plants on which Baconweed can grow. One of these plants, the Turkey shrub produces a different flavor of Bacon that has found an audience among those looking for a less fatty fungus.
Another threat to Bacon lies in the internet, a network of thinking machine “computers” known for wasting Baconweed by the ton on Bacon Ak-47s, Bacon bras, Bacon portraits and such. To learn more about how you can help the Bacon industry, please write to the Baconweed Preservation Society of Luxembourg, firstname.lastname@example.org.